The Tested Once, Fool Proof, Scam-like Way to Start a Business

So after starting my own production company, I get alot of people being like, 

"How'd you do that?"

By alot of people, I mean mostly my mom who likes to ask me the same questions three times. Early on-set Alzheimer's or lazy, I'm not entirely sure, but there is something to be said for how a young lady such as I accomplishing a feat that 20 years ago would be unheard of.

Starting up a company AND typing this blogpost from a smart phone.

So to avoid being hunted as a witch of magic and trickery, I give you,

The Tested Once, Fool Proof, Scam-like Way to Start a Business

Our test example will be 

Snickerdoodlin' Production Company

Snickerdoodlin' Facebook Page

SnickerdoodlinProductions.com

Step 1- Find a friend who gives you a bunch of ideas.

Emilia and I were friends first who kept coming up with ideas for sketches that we thought were funny. It's a scary world, thinking that you might be funny sometimes, because one adopts a shell of self conciousness and must act like you do not think you are funny. Thinking that you are funny if you are funny instantly makes you not funny. Here is where a friend stepping in helps.

They can tell you for face value whether you are being an asshole.

In any business, it is great to have a person to bounce or steal ideas off of. 

Luckily in my case, Emilia and I became business partners and everything followed honky-dory. 

But be prepared that may not happen- in which case you will have to take that business idea and run with it.

Literally.

Forget that sucker.

He probably doesn't dress nice anyways.

Oh, and make passes at his wife in case that leads somewhere, too.

Step 2- Do something that moves your company forward a bit

And by this I basically mean do something to help you not forget that you started a company. Whatever that may be.

Post it notes work for some people, I've heard.

Or a string tied to your finger.

Step 3- Drink SO MUCH COFFEE that sitting down makes you feel nauseous. 

So, eventually you're gonna get sick of that little string cutting off the cirulation on your finger, and it will be time to make a move.

5 cups of coffee and free time gave us our first video, this little gem-

You can tell it's an early piece, but you can ALSO TELL we're all hoping on caffeine.

And maybe crack? I'm not sure, the Hulk seemed pretty tweaked out.

Step 4- Write some stuff down.

You may think in your head, "Yeah Maggie, DUH, if your goal is to write sketches! Of course writing makes sense. But what about those wanting to start a Natural Gas Company?"

SAME THING!

Write a paper, or something.

Write a memo! To pass around the office you may have one day in the future.

Write a grocery list in case you're working late one night and your wife walks out on you and you have no one to make you a sandwich.

These are the hardships of having your own business.

It is a rough path.

... maybe write down some of your feelings to tell your therapist! 

Step 5- Keep doing whatever it is that you were doing.

Keep it up, champ.

Make more videos, because no one's told you not to.

Pretty soon you're pumping out things that were better than the one before.

Same goes for other activities!

Been drinking alot? Don't stop!

This video came out of a drunken rant about how annoying extras are on set.

Hit rock bottom? Even better.

Everyone knows that the best ideas, like rehab, or double chocolate bars were thought of by the losers of the earth accepting defeat and anguish as a normative everyday experiences.

So, keep that up guys, cuz I know double chocolate is not the end.

Maybe dark and white chocolate swirl bars?

Idk. I'm just shooting ideas into space here.

Step 6- Find someone way cooler and better than you to say, "Hey, Good Job!"

So our Snickerdoodlin' short "Hoarders- Lost Footage" got featured in the Chicago Comedy Film Festival this year!

Thank you Jessica Hardy and Jill Olsen for saying, "Hey, this stuff doesn't suck."

Look at us:

We look so on top of things!

That's because we are on a red carpet and being shot with a nice camera, so IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION.

You can achieve this too!

We did not bribe the people who put us in the Festival,  but is that not a great idea?

Bribe those around you with power, or buy your own nice camera and carpet.

Either way, you will achieve the same result.

Photos, to put on you-

Step 7- GET A WEBSITE!!!!!!!!

This sounds scary and daunting. 

How can I make a website?

I can't make a sandwich!

What is the internet?

It sounds scary and hard, but once you realize you can decorate your website with weird sayings and sheep, you will find it a lot less scary than you previously thought.

Look! There are sheep!!!!

And remember that memo you wrote earlier in your drunken haze you never thought you'd use?

WELL HERE YOU GO, LADIESSSSSS.

Stick it on your website!

(Not in post-it note form, if you can avoid it.)

Step 8- Find some sort of controversy, and get knee deep in it. Then crawl out of it.

I call this, the Phoenix effect.

My partner in crime (allegedly) had her photo from Obama's acceptance speech misused on several occasions.

She had to release a video correcting it-

LOOK HOW CUTE SHE IS!!!!

Again, we bribed no one- but who's to say you can't?

Give a teenager $10 to throw eggs at your home office, then call the newspapers to complain about it. Sympathy, won.

Which brings us to,

Step 9- Use the media!

We got interviews about our company and the Film Festival

Oh my god that cookie looks good...

The more people talk about you, the more...

ummm...

I don't really know, but when celebrities want to look like they're doing something, they go on talk shows, don't they?

So, this is like going on a talk show.

But, there's no live music.

That was a shock at our first interview.

Step 10- Get some Haters! and Rake in the compliments.

To quote Eminem, "We truly believe that our haters are our motivators."

Check out this fine young fella sharing his idea via the comments from the article:

Hey, first guy, GO YOU!

Second guy, that's ok- I don't want you laughing at my video.

WHATEVER I DON'T CARE IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER WHAT IT REALLY DOESN'T WHY AM I TYPED IN ALL CAPS? I DONT KNOW

WHERE CAN I GET A COOKIE LIKE THE ONE IN THAT PHOTO...

Eat a cookie, then give yourself a round of applause.

Step 11- Ummm....

Uh, well, if nothing's happened yet with your 'business', maybe take some time to reevaluate what it is you are trying to accomplish.

Is it dog food? Maybe try some yourself and see what the deal-io is.

Cold Medicine? Try negotiating with the virus to see if they would kindly just get out.

But no matter what, don't drop that idea. 

A drunken conversation got you there, and that is quality gold.

Keep to the path, young Padawan, and you will someday reach the end of the 12 steps (this program or AAA, I guess) and be like, "Hey, I did that. Time to go find some haters."

One day.

One day.

Until then, fill those post-it notes like it's the only thing you have left in life to hold on to, and keep dreaming up choclate combinations to try.

And one day, you will be the next Willy Wonka.

Real Talk Corner-

Thank you everyone for all your support-

Thanks to all the Snickerdudes, and happy holidays!

Snickerdoodlin'Productions.com

YouTube Channel

Your friendly neighborhood blogger,

Maggie Mae Fish

Everything I learned from re-watching The Hills, so you don't have to

I am proud of how I spend my days.

I work, cook myself dinner, go to the gym, read books on my old high school reading list,
and watch the best of the best shows on television.

The Wire, MadMen, Modern Family...

... anddddd The Hills.

My journey in re-watching Laguna Beach and The Hills began this summer, when I thought to myself,

Why the hell not?

and oh, am I so glad I did.

Because what escaped me about the show when I first watched it in High School was that it was not a drama about rich kids trying to make it through life- but actually an incredibly funny and hilarious scripted comedy, guised as a drama about rich kids trying to make it through life.

Because only the best comedy writers could have come up with the things that come out of these people's mouths.

So, here I give you everything I learned from re-watching the Hills, so you don't have to.

1. Sometimes, only your friends can understand you.

You’re right, Lauren. You are holding too high of standards for yourself.

Not everyone can construct an intelligent sentence that makes sense.

That's why sometimes our friends are really the only ones that understand us.

Because they have the same depleted intelligence.

2. You are your own best advice.

^ In this photo, we see Lauren Conrad in her natural habitat (absent minded) reading her own book, titled

....Lauren Conrad.

about a girl on a reality show!


... named Lauren Conrad.

3. Sometimes you just HAVE to chose your boyfriend over your career!

Come on, if you had to chose between the job of your dreams and ^ this guy, do you really even have a choice?

Lauren has to decide between working fashion week in Paris for a summer or moving in with this dude, and trust me I know what you're thinking-

How come they're not married now with 4 kids and successful careers?

But neither Lauren nor we could have guessed the outcome.

... I guess her boss at Teen Vogue did though-

... but no, yeah, she totally blew it.

4. A lady will always take the high road during an argument.

... Did I say high road? I meant, Drunk Road.

Ok, I'm just fighting a lost battle here- let's ahhh... let's move onto friendship advice.

5. Sometimes, your friends change.

... like Lauren's best friend Heidi!

Sometimes we outgrow each other, we become different people in the petals of life. 

But being a respectable person means learning to love these changes, and embrace people for who they become, and who they keep in their lives.

Surely these two intelligent women can work things out, right?

... another great comeback, Lauren. High School Freshman everywhere salute you.

6. It's ok to be a bit lost in life

That's right. We're ladies, we pretend to have everything- the job, the relationships, the chi latte on the go-

But we're not always on top of things as we look!

Sometimes we get tripped up.

Like when the host of the show asks us our name.

Who has time to remember shit like that???

7. Boys come and go... so just let them go.

... wash, rinse, and repeat.

Every episode.

For 7 seasons.

Even my TiVo chimed in, 

"HE DOESN'T WANT YOU, LAUREN!!!"

8. Fairy Tales really do come true!

RIGHT????

These are intelligent, smart, progressive, young- 

... Robots.

But it goes to show you, EVERYONE can be happy. Everyone has their perfect match, and it just takes a certain level of lowering our standards until we find them!

For example: 

3 months later...

... sometimes true love comes in the form of Satan reincarnate.

9. Career Success is achievable!

Lauren is a career woman- a lady we can all aspire to be.

She landed a dream internship at Teen Vogue her first year of college

worked her way to the top-

and eventually landed every fashion designer's dream!

a fashion line at Kohl's!

The most prestigious multi-purpose store on the market!

She even now uses her fame to bring down the use of printed books-

lowering IQ levels to her own everywhere!

... she just ripped apart my favorite childhood books...

10. Self Esteem is only a click away.

I'm having a horrible day, nothing is going right, the Red Line is delayed, I stepped in some green gum so it stands out even if I try to hide it-

Netflix.

The Hills.

Oh wait, I'm not these people.

My life is suddenly awesome.

and THAT ladies and gents, is what I learned from re watching The Hills.

Smile. 

There are people all over Beverly Hills less fortunate 

(and less brain cells) than us.

Why do we fall down, Master Wayne? or I am my own Tiger Mother, Michael Caine.

Why do we fall down, Master Wayne?

or

I am my own Tiger Mother, Michael Caine.

by Maggie Fish

Michael Caine on a Soap Box.
The first #YOLO.

I’m going to tell you right now that the icing on the cake is 
MY BIKE WAS STOLEN. 

AWESOME.

I know, you’ve all been there. 

But the filling, flavour, and texture of the cake was-

Being ripped off by some employee at a Bike Shop, are too late to attend your Spin Class you signed up for, you've hit a wall with 
your improv rehearsal, leave early for work only 
to find it over-staffed and sent home.

Worst. Cake. Ever.

It was after all this that I took my new $300 dollar bike off its new HEAVY DUTY BIKE LOCK on it’s first and last ride.

I had bought it to replace the one that got stolen- and soon after realized I can’t afford a $300 bike.

So, Maiden and Titanic voyage, commence.

There’s something about doing  an activity so innocent and childlike as a bike ride, that it seems to clear your thoughts. Even more so than my usual runs, because with a bike, if you suddenly decide to slow down, you don’t find yourself hating yourself for it. And as I realized how weird it felt to be simply enjoying a light activity, I had an equal realization.

We are wayyy to hard on ourselves.

Now, I have always been one for give your all no matter what, every inch of you is what the pavement deserves, it’s not fair to your team to hold back (in this sequence, my mind sounds like my high school basketball coach) but there is something that we are never taught.

100% effort never equates to 100% success.

Human beings are wired to fail. We can’t see in more directions than one at a time, we have horrible eyesight, we can’t stop watching LOST after we see one episode, no matter how confused/frustrated we get.

But no one prepares you for failing! Our parents, teachers, coaches... they prepare you to prepare. That’s really what we’re taught. How to properly train yourself to prepare.

I would spend hours a day shooting hoops, hoping that when the time came in that final quarter of the regional final, I would be able to make that three-pointer.

But my coach never pulled me aside to tell me, “But just in case you don’t make it, you should walk off the court anyways with your head held hight...”

Maybe in the back of their heads, they think it, but they never say it out loud.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why we fall. 

Not because we cannot see in two directions or because we can’t see at all or because we’re on season 4 and still can’t answer a single question.

It is because the best teachers in life know that it is no use to tell someone how to recover when they slip up- that is something only we can learn from doing it ourselves.

So friends, fail. Fail hard. Fail miserably, and be proud to do so.

Because no matter how bad you have it at that moment right when you trip up, there are millions of other people on this planet who are feeling the exact same way you are. Who are themselves trying to find the pieces to put back together what they call  back to “normal”, who are all asking themselves why they were never taught how to come back from this.

We have to stop trying to be perfect all the time, because we’re not. The more we act like students, open to learning and relearning and willing to try anything, the less we will see ourselves as failures, and more just people “under construction.”

So, my bike ride ended, and I locked it up with a heavy duty bike lock.

And I thought to myself, “If my bike had never gotten stolen, I would have never have known that I needed a HEAVY DUTY bike lock.”

And that is why we fail, Master Wayne. 

So we can learn to pick ourselves back up, 

 ...and buy the right fucking bike lock.

Michael Caine would be proud of us...

A Modest Proposal for a New Hero

A Modest Proposal for a New Type of Hero 

(minus the satire.)

If you are any sane normal human being, then you saw the Dark Knight this weekend. If you didn't see it, I'm going to assume you are not sane, and therefore also locked up in Arkham Asylum-

But in this hero climate, I feel like I'm beginning to predict how these things go. Stay with me here-

__________ becomes an orphan. __________ falls in love with a girl who is completely out of his reach, unless __________ gets superpowers. Then a cool montage scene where __________ perfects these powers, complete with cut shots to _________'s arch nemesis, which turns out to be someone that _________ knows. Insert battle scene, then skip to the end where we leave not a nice tied ending, but just a set up for ________'s next installment.

.... Please feel free to insert Spider-Man, Batman, Ironman, or pretty much any hero into that equation.

I would publish my findings in the next WIRED magazine, however I am not the first to find it.

Unfortunately, I am the scientist in the secret lab that discovers the cure too late. It is already in the hands of the villains- 

(CUE Duh, Duh, DUHHHHHHHHH bad guy music)

Major Motion Picture Executives.

But I am not one to complain without giving some solutions to the problem, ladies and gents.

So here I propose a couple new directions to take with the Super Hero movie trend.

Right after Zack Snyder's Superman Man of Steel- that can stay as cliche as it wants.

1. A WOMAN SUPERHERO, AM I RIGHT?

We've had some rocky starts and stops here on the superhero front, ladiesssssssss.

Let's all try and forget the Hallie Berry Catwoman (but not the suit, we can remember the suit,) or Elektra (but let's forget her suit too.) 

We are always awesome when it comes to creating an ensemble, and let's be honest: Scarlett Johansson's ass was another Avenger all its own in those hot pants-

But where is our Wonder Woman? Huh? Where is the one-woman all inclusive, dark tormented brooding hero?

I love the move to the Dark Hero tones, but somehow women stayed in the supporting sexy character role. 

I'm looking for a Lara Croft up in here. 

Or better yet-

She's the best example of a powerful woman that could kick your ass AND wear a bra.

I'd join ISIS just to be her sidekick.

2. A Hero Who Doesn't Give a Shit.

I found this on a website called
"Depressed Superheros."
The fact that this exists confirms my point.

As much as I like to see Bruce Wyane crying over a destroyed Gotham, or Peter Parker cradling the body of his dead father figure, as some point, I'm like... I have more testosterone than all of the Justice League put together.

Even the Hulk- THE FUCKING HULK dropped the, "I tried to kill myself" bomb in The Avengers.

What? No. Hulk, no. I want to see Hulk smash, not sip cocktails and talk about his feelings to his girlfriends while they paint nails.

If all the male Superheros gathered their tears, they could water a third world country. But they'd probably be too depressed at the state of the people to finish the job.

What I want, is a hero that is going to watch someone die on the street corner, think 2 seconds about helping, but then

realize the Starbucks Coffee in his hand is getting cold.

It keeps the audience in suspense- that breaks the forumla right there! I want a hero that sees the signal in the sky, but is too busy banging the hot intern cleaning lady at his 5 star apartment to help out.

That's not being sadistic- that's just being realistic. In this day and age, any American Superhero would be 30 pounds overweight, glued to his Mac looking up Rotten Tomato scores.

The fact that he's sleeping with someone already makes it a work of fiction.

For example, here's Deadpool's new video game.

They recently said that despite rumors, Marvel would "Not be making a Deadpool movie."

...Cue the hate mail to Stan Lee's mailbox.

3. A Woman Hero that Doesn't Give a Shit.

This is me, as Wonder Woman, NOT GIVING A FUCK.
Instant movie success.

Idea 1 + Idea 2 = TOTAL BADASSERY.

4. Super-Lame Heroes

Aqualad. Nuff said.

Tired of sitting through EPIC battle scene after EPIC battle scene?

Did you sit too close to the screen at The Avengers and then get a massive headache?

Are you a pussy?

Then we have a movie for you!!!!

Where are all the un-sung heroes of lameness? Sure, they suck, and the film might end up being more like an episode of One Tree Hill, but nevertheless,  THEY WERE ONCE IN A COMIC.




And as far as I can tell nowadays, that's pretty much the only qualifier for a Superhero Movie.

Where is the reboot of Arm Fall Off-Boy?

Or Matter Eater Lad?

Now, don't get me wrong- I'd still make it a quality movie. But let's throw the project to, say, a Woody Allen. Or, a Wes Anderson. There's room for really long drawn out pauses and awkward characters with contradicting juxtaposed dialogue in the Superhero genre, is there not?

Here's a Wes Anderson take on Spider-Man. Now insert the Red Bee, and we've got a movie Ladies and Gents.

5. Super- Babies!

Following the long tradition of if things are good, make it cuter, I propose Superbabies.

Now tell me that doesn't belong in every Cute Cat Tumbler?

Now, please tell me why this is not on every Production company's docket.

I don't want to see Superman fighting Lex Luther- I want to see him pulling pranks on the babysitter.

"And Superman fast-forwards time until his parents come home... so that THEY can be the ones to tuck him in."

Every Superhero is also by default an Orphan- and what is better than kids causing mayhem while home alone?


Its like if Macaulay Culkin wore his underwear on the outside, and THEN defeated the Wet Bandits.


I could watch this for hours:

Or this:

Even if My Little Ponies WAS a plot device, I'd still watch it:

These comic strips are by Little League- check out their Facebook for weekly comics!!!

6. Captain Planet.

I have nothing to say about this, I think it's pretty self-explanatory.

7. Dinosaur Heroes

Ok, so here's the pitch.

We take Superheros, and put them in a world of intelligent Dinosaurs. 

The only question I have is, WHY HASN'T THIS ALREADY BEEN DONE?????

The only thing that can combat Velociraptors is Super Strength and Heat Vision, ammmiright????

Or even better- MAKE THE DINOSAURS THE SUPERHEROES.

In my mind, we are on a sliding scale of awesomeness, and Superhero Reboot movies are up there at the top. Right below them? Dinosaurs.

(At first I didn't know what the T-Rex was supposed to be...
then I realized he was Hulk'n up.)

If I'm seriously the only one who has enough balls to make this movie, then so be it.

Coming from my shitty camera to a YouTube near you.

8. Google! 

Because, let's be honest here. 

No one asks Superheroes for help anymore. 

They ask Google. 

So, I say, let's give 'em a movie. 

Tagline- 

This Summer...  

Every boy and girl grows up knowing its name. 

You ask it for help in the most dire situations. 

It's high speed sense is tingling.Faster than a speeding bullet! 

It's Ask! It's Bing! No, it's-

9. Real Life Justice League.

Who do you really think killed Osama?

Here's my cast:

Samuel L Jackson as the stock Black Character

Steve Jobs as the Invisible Boy

Chuck Norris as... Chuck Norris

Nicolas Cage as the Shape Shifter

Michael Phelps as the Aquaman equivalent.
But way less lame.

Christina Hendricks as the Motherfuckin Sexiest Thing Alive.

Bear Grylls as half Human, half Bear

and finally,

10. United Nations- Superheroes

Superhero Costumes = Awesome Flags.

therefore,

Flags = Awesome Superhero Costumes.

Picture this United Nations Meeting-

But with everyone sitting with their underwear on the outside of their suits.

So, I am going to take this to Paramount.

I'm going to make the next Superhero movie, staring a Strong Woman as a kid in Elementary School with a Super-Lame sidekick. They use their special powers of Google Search and their Super-Real People Friends to defeat the United Nation's leader who Doesn't Give a Shit who is trying to conquer the planet with a Dinosaur Army.

Can you say Executive Producer's Wet Dream?