Interviews with your Childhood Heroes

I asked myself, what would my childhood heroes say if I asked them what they thought about life? So then I went and tracked them down. Every so often I will post my findings in my blog.

Here are my first interviews with those Incredible Men.  

And Women. 

And a Hamster. 

The links I've added are for added fun.

Click and Enjoy. 

Sonic the Hedgehog

I found Sonic hanging out by the 5 and Dime's Gumball Machine. He was trying to play cool, but kept checking his phone after every question I asked. 

I caught a glimpse of a text message to Tails, and it was signed,

"Your Stead-Fast Lover."

But regardless of his emotional state, he had this to share with my readers:


"Sometimes life may seem like you're just speeding through a bunch of hoops with an asshole at every corner waiting for you to show up and ruin your day. But by focusing on the small gems in life, you can go to incredible places. Like a good cage lined with newspaper on the bottom. Going to the bathroom on the floor? Paradise."


*Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. You can buy your own Chaos Emeralds.
**There would be no evil in the world if everyone had their own toy set of Chaos Emeralds.

Grandpa Phil, from Hey Arnold!

Outside the walls of PS118 is a jungle, and that's exactly where I found old Phil. At his residential boarding house in the town "Nondescript Suburbia" checking the mail, I caught him just before he headed out to the 7-Eleven for his daily Pork-Rrind breakfast.

He looked feeble and frail, but when asked how he dealt with raising an unruly Middle Schooler at his old age, he said:

"You're never too old to start a new adventure. Look at me! I'm 60-what not years old, and I'm running my own business. Though, its a matter of time before I lose my sanity, I guess- WHAT WAS THAT? DID YOU SEE THAT? Holy guacamole, DUCK AND SAVE YOUR LIFE!"

* No one was harmed during this interview. What Grandpa saw was a raincloud.

**Also, I HAD NO IDEA ARNOLD HAD A LAST NAME- WTF????

Samus

Samus was the hardest to track down. Being a female in a male-dominated-video-game world, she has always been a source of inspiration. 
As well as hours and hours of quality time in front of the television screen.

"Women can be powerful. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise- take matters into your own hands, and create your own destiny." 

* This was the only picture of Samus I could find where she wasn't drawn half-naked.

** Call me a Space Pirate, but I don't remember these being in the video game at all...

Batman & Ironman

I accidentally ran into these two at a stripper club while trying to track down Wolverine.

The conversation went as follows:

Me: So, first let me just say, it's great to see a DC and a Marvel in the same room, let alone friends. You  guys must have found some common ground to connect on... was it your vision of true justice?

Mr. Stark: Uhh, no, actually we met at a cocktail party.

Mr. Wayne: Yeah, old Eddie here was sporting some pretty hot ass arm candy, so we talked for a while about sleazy chicks we've dumped money onto.

Me: Oh... huh. I guess I pictured your teaming-up a little more heroic in my mind...

Mr. Stark: Listen little lady, why practice heroism when you can buy it?

Mr. Wayne: Write this down for your cute little blog-

"The only thing that will ever buy you happiness is not justice or a city free from crime.

It's a kick ass suit that lets you do swirlies in the air, land onto a rooftop bar into the arms of six women drooling over your utility belt, if you catch my drift."

Me: ... you sure you really want me to quote that?

Mr. Stark: Write it, print it, scream it from the rooftops. It's the truth, kid. Once you get out of college and enter the real world, you'll see that's really what makes the world tick.

By the way, what are you doing after this? Care for a drink?

Space Ghost

I was all prepared for a long journey to find my favorite Superhero/Talk Show Host, expecting him to be saving Earth in some far off Galaxy, or draining a toxic waste dump onto a third Mars to save our Ecosystem.

I ran into him at the local Jewel while getting cereal bars for the trip.

"Dames are like mustard: they taste great on a sandwich. But when you're not eating a sandwich... they just sit there in the fridge... on a shelf... in a jar... labeled... mustard."

Me: Uh, sir, I actually asked you about your career...

"What? Ah yes. Well, let me tell you, If you do anything in life, you should get one of those."

"A career?"

"No. I meant a Sandwich."

* After the interview, he proceeded to direct me to this. I share only because I don't want to have been the only human being on Earth who has seen it. 

Spider-Man

Spiderman could not be coaxed out of his bathroom sized apartment for comment... but from the door crack I heard him say through muddled tears,

"life sucks."

* This photo was printed in the Daily Bugle later that week.

and THIS photo was taken just a few years ago, before Spider-Man 3 ever happened.
Just goes to show you, depression can hit anytime, anywhere after you make a shitty movie.

Hamtaro

I can't speak Hamster, but who could resist a visit to Laura's house when she claims she has talking Hamsters?

 "If I were any more excited, I'd be confused!"

* Sorry for the short quote, but the only thing else he'd talk about was Sunflower seeds.

** Then we watched this video for a couple hours.

Jonny Quest

I figured there was a high chance of running into some high caliber stars at this year's Comic Con. I was hoping to run into C-3PO, but instead found Jonny Quest a little more far-gone than in the following photo.

He seemed to be trying to collect a crowd around him screaming- "I'm Jonny Quest! THE Jonny Quest!!!!"

I would have thought it was just a horribly crazed man had he not been wearing a turtle neck sweater with the phrase, 

"That was a good trick, Jonny!"

"Here's the advice that I give to all of my fans. Oh, here's an autograph for you, I know you were about to ask anyways- so here it is.

1. Turtlenecks are never out of style. Once you think they might be, push on through and wear them anyways. They're also very slimming- that's how I stayed looking so young all these years.

2. You're not racist if you consider them your best friend.

3. If they're laughing at your jokes, then that must mean they're not offended. 

4. So when you think you may have gone too far, push on through and make fun of their ethnicity anyways.

5. Every ethnicity/gender besides white and male is funny.

5. When you walk into a party, that first person you meet is the one guy trying to kill you. 

Guaranteed.

It's always that first  guy you meet.

Especially the first non white male.

and finally,

6. There is no such thing as, 

'That girl is probably too young for me, I shouldn't go for it.'

No. Such. Thing.

Especially if she's not a white male."

* I guess I didn't know what I was expecting with this one...

Who would YOU like to see me interview next?

Post a comment below and I'll be sure to include them next round!