So after starting my own production company, I get alot of people being like,
"How'd you do that?"
By alot of people, I mean mostly my mom who likes to ask me the same questions three times. Early on-set Alzheimer's or lazy, I'm not entirely sure, but there is something to be said for how a young lady such as I accomplishing a feat that 20 years ago would be unheard of.
Starting up a company AND typing this blogpost from a smart phone.
So to avoid being hunted as a witch of magic and trickery, I give you,
The Tested Once, Fool Proof, Scam-like Way to Start a Business
Our test example will be
Snickerdoodlin' Production Company
Step 1- Find a friend who gives you a bunch of ideas.
Emilia and I were friends first who kept coming up with ideas for sketches that we thought were funny. It's a scary world, thinking that you might be funny sometimes, because one adopts a shell of self conciousness and must act like you do not think you are funny. Thinking that you are funny if you are funny instantly makes you not funny. Here is where a friend stepping in helps.
They can tell you for face value whether you are being an asshole.
In any business, it is great to have a person to bounce or steal ideas off of.
Luckily in my case, Emilia and I became business partners and everything followed honky-dory.
But be prepared that may not happen- in which case you will have to take that business idea and run with it.
Literally.
Forget that sucker.
He probably doesn't dress nice anyways.
Oh, and make passes at his wife in case that leads somewhere, too.
Step 2- Do something that moves your company forward a bit
And by this I basically mean do something to help you not forget that you started a company. Whatever that may be.
Post it notes work for some people, I've heard.
Or a string tied to your finger.
Step 3- Drink SO MUCH COFFEE that sitting down makes you feel nauseous.
So, eventually you're gonna get sick of that little string cutting off the cirulation on your finger, and it will be time to make a move.
5 cups of coffee and free time gave us our first video, this little gem-
You can tell it's an early piece, but you can ALSO TELL we're all hoping on caffeine.
And maybe crack? I'm not sure, the Hulk seemed pretty tweaked out.
Step 4- Write some stuff down.
You may think in your head, "Yeah Maggie, DUH, if your goal is to write sketches! Of course writing makes sense. But what about those wanting to start a Natural Gas Company?"
SAME THING!
Write a paper, or something.
Write a memo! To pass around the office you may have one day in the future.
Write a grocery list in case you're working late one night and your wife walks out on you and you have no one to make you a sandwich.
These are the hardships of having your own business.
It is a rough path.
... maybe write down some of your feelings to tell your therapist!
Step 5- Keep doing whatever it is that you were doing.
Keep it up, champ.
Make more videos, because no one's told you not to.
Pretty soon you're pumping out things that were better than the one before.
Same goes for other activities!
Been drinking alot? Don't stop!
This video came out of a drunken rant about how annoying extras are on set.
Hit rock bottom? Even better.
Everyone knows that the best ideas, like rehab, or double chocolate bars were thought of by the losers of the earth accepting defeat and anguish as a normative everyday experiences.
So, keep that up guys, cuz I know double chocolate is not the end.
Maybe dark and white chocolate swirl bars?
Idk. I'm just shooting ideas into space here.
Step 6- Find someone way cooler and better than you to say, "Hey, Good Job!"
So our Snickerdoodlin' short "Hoarders- Lost Footage" got featured in the Chicago Comedy Film Festival this year!
Thank you Jessica Hardy and Jill Olsen for saying, "Hey, this stuff doesn't suck."
Look at us:
We look so on top of things!
That's because we are on a red carpet and being shot with a nice camera, so IT'S ALL AN ILLUSION.
You can achieve this too!
We did not bribe the people who put us in the Festival, but is that not a great idea?
Bribe those around you with power, or buy your own nice camera and carpet.
Either way, you will achieve the same result.
Photos, to put on you-
Step 7- GET A WEBSITE!!!!!!!!
This sounds scary and daunting.
How can I make a website?
I can't make a sandwich!
What is the internet?
It sounds scary and hard, but once you realize you can decorate your website with weird sayings and sheep, you will find it a lot less scary than you previously thought.
Look! There are sheep!!!!
And remember that memo you wrote earlier in your drunken haze you never thought you'd use?
WELL HERE YOU GO, LADIESSSSSS.
Stick it on your website!
(Not in post-it note form, if you can avoid it.)
Step 8- Find some sort of controversy, and get knee deep in it. Then crawl out of it.
I call this, the Phoenix effect.
My partner in crime (allegedly) had her photo from Obama's acceptance speech misused on several occasions.
She had to release a video correcting it-
LOOK HOW CUTE SHE IS!!!!
Again, we bribed no one- but who's to say you can't?
Give a teenager $10 to throw eggs at your home office, then call the newspapers to complain about it. Sympathy, won.
Which brings us to,
Step 9- Use the media!
We got interviews about our company and the Film Festival
Oh my god that cookie looks good...
The more people talk about you, the more...
ummm...
I don't really know, but when celebrities want to look like they're doing something, they go on talk shows, don't they?
So, this is like going on a talk show.
But, there's no live music.
That was a shock at our first interview.
Step 10- Get some Haters! and Rake in the compliments.
To quote Eminem, "We truly believe that our haters are our motivators."
Check out this fine young fella sharing his idea via the comments from the article:
Hey, first guy, GO YOU!
Second guy, that's ok- I don't want you laughing at my video.
WHATEVER I DON'T CARE IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER WHAT IT REALLY DOESN'T WHY AM I TYPED IN ALL CAPS? I DONT KNOW
WHERE CAN I GET A COOKIE LIKE THE ONE IN THAT PHOTO...
Eat a cookie, then give yourself a round of applause.
Step 11- Ummm....
Uh, well, if nothing's happened yet with your 'business', maybe take some time to reevaluate what it is you are trying to accomplish.
Is it dog food? Maybe try some yourself and see what the deal-io is.
Cold Medicine? Try negotiating with the virus to see if they would kindly just get out.
But no matter what, don't drop that idea.
A drunken conversation got you there, and that is quality gold.
Keep to the path, young Padawan, and you will someday reach the end of the 12 steps (this program or AAA, I guess) and be like, "Hey, I did that. Time to go find some haters."
One day.
One day.
Until then, fill those post-it notes like it's the only thing you have left in life to hold on to, and keep dreaming up choclate combinations to try.
And one day, you will be the next Willy Wonka.
Real Talk Corner-
Thank you everyone for all your support-
Thanks to all the Snickerdudes, and happy holidays!
Your friendly neighborhood blogger,
